At the outset, let me say it- I am a lousy traveller. Sure, everyone likes the odd break from routine and change of scenery- I do too, especially with good company. But I think I am a little thrown off by this idea of backpacking and nomadic lifestyle like those Instagram reels that keep showing up.

Because in all honesty, it is nothing but people trying to escape from self. And why travel when you can watch films, right? I mean when we start discovering films from around the world, there’s nothing quite like it. So that’s the disclaimer out of the way. Since I am a reluctant traveller, it was extra scary to go to a new city with no real plan. What was I going to do? I had no idea. It was scary to say the least. I found some cheap Airbnbs in Queens, Bronx and Brooklyn. So I packed my bags and left. What’s this city about that has been fodder for some of my favourite filmmakers like Marty Scorsese, Spike Lee and all our favourite New York filmmakers- In fact, I stayed in Spike Lee’s Bed-Stuy. 

Here is a photograph of the place I stayed in the Bronx. It was a typical artsy NYC loft that I shared with two other guys from France and Spain.

I was really lucky with the timing. The fact that I got these rooms for dirt cheap prices is something that still amazes me. Within a week, I had become an expert on the Subway. The interesting thing about the city is these microcosms that exist within the larger fabric. I remember one day going to a restaurant in Chinatown. The person who took my order didn’t speak a word of English. For her, there is no life outside of Chinatown. And the food. God. About that, I have to write another post dedicated to simply the food I got to have.

But I am here to talk about fulfilling this one specific long-time wish I had. It was to visit as many Art-house theatres as I could. I was well aware of New York’s film culture prior to the trip. Because at the time there was no film festival happening, I had to design my own festival.

Here are some of the images from my notebook and the intense planning that went into it.

A friend of mine caught this and said I don’t think you even studied for boards this hard.

I watched a ton of films -mostly in 35mm prints- around the city for about a month. Critic Kent Jones programmed a double bill of Howard Hawk’s Rio Bravo and Monte Hellman’s The Shooting at the Metrograph while promoting his debut feature ‘Diane’.

I love Rio Bravo (1959). It’s definitely on the list of films I have rewatched a lot. Tarantino is a fan. It’s one of the best hangout pictures of all time. But watching it on 35mm at the Metrograph just did it for me. And when they played the film, there was some technical malfunction and they had to take out the reel and start over again. It was strange because we are so used to watching digital projection today that you suddenly realise the role of a projectionist used to be more than hitting the play button and to hear that loud whirring from the projection booth, I mean. I don’t know about you but I love the fact there is something artifactual about film. And that’s the core reason why the romantics are still fighting to keep the medium alive- To shoot and to also show in film. Maybe it is just empty nostalgia for the privileged but I am deeply appreciative of those who still can afford to shoot and show films should continue to keep it alive. The onscreen friendship and camaraderie between the characters kept me company in a faraway land. 

I caught a matinee show of von Sternberg’s ‘Thunderbolt’ (1929) at the Film Forum in the village. It was his first talkie and the last one before the Dietrich era. This screening was filled with a bunch of older people and the cinema hall was mostly empty. It was such a contrasting experience to the Rio Bravo one albeit one that I think about a lot. I wonder why? Maybe it’s the final image of the titular character having a change of heart in the final moment- I don’t know. I hadn’t seen this picture before as it was unavailable at the time. Kino Lorber released a Blu-ray last year.

Then last night, I caught Welles’s classic ‘Citizen Kane’ at the AFA. I do not know about your opinion with respect to Citizen Kane but I am sure you know it’s often cited as the greatest American picture ever made. So expectedly, this screening was packed with film students and academics watching for the hundredth time. I don’t get how and why people don’t go to theatres alone. There is something about being alone, not worrying about how and if your friend is enjoying the picture or not. The feeling of being alone, making eye contact with the characters on screen without judging or being judged by them- the voyeuristic pleasure in looking – Freud called it Scopophilia. Peeping Tom and Rear Window are great examples of that film that deal with this subject that is a bit disturbing, even a little problematic in cinema as an art form.

I am so grateful for the fact that I could make this trip just before the pandemic hit. But the trip had its own high and lows- it wasn’t all fun. I remember one day waking up and really feeling a wave of intense depression washing over me. I didn’t know where it came from but it hit me like a ton of bricks. Maybe it’s the feeling of intense loneliness in a big city or maybe it’s just New York where one million people live alone.

My first memory of this city in the states probably comes from Home Alone 2- Kevin spending Christmas eve alone in a big city.
And here I was, alone in the same city, sort of going at it all by myself- learning about the subway, going to a laundromat, finding ways to live cheaply. It was fear and excitement packed into one bottle.
I caught plenty of films, even better ones than the three films mentioned above but for some reason, I wanted to highlight these three memories more. 

So today, my memories of the city have been fused with the memory of going to the movies to become its own memory. I was also crippling with a lot of self-doubt then. I still do. I don’t think they really go away but we learn to manage them. I was super bummed out and I really needed some distance from things to get me some perspective. Well, I clearly had not discovered walking then. It turned out to be the most important trip of my life to date. 
On the last night of my stay, I went to a pizza place after walking out of Citizen Kane. Sitting there alone with a classic New York pie, life, for a brief moment, didn’t seem all that bad.

Peace and grace,
Nikhil.